Idols
of the heart are at the root of most marital problems and
indeed, most unhappiness. Most idols
have to do with pride in some form, expectation, control,
and fear. Maybe you
want to be successful, well-thought of, influential. Maybe
you want to be loved, to be acceptable or a “good parent”
or a “powerful leader.” Maybe you just want your
husband to do something he isn't doing or stop doing something
he is doing.
These
are sample questions that help identify possible idols.
a “If only ________, then I would be happy..”
b. "What do I feel like I make the most sacrifices
for?"
c. "What do I fear the most?"
d. "How do I get (someone) to (do something)?"
Are you quarrelsome?
Do
you recognize yourself in these examples?
He: "Looks
like it's going to rain today."
She: "No, I don't think so."
He: "I like the chunky peanut butter."
She: "It's not as good. Get the creamy kind.'
He: "Let's take the baby to the park."
She: "No, it's too hot and she needs her nap."
He: "I'm going to go get the car cleaned."
She: "You better wait until tomorrow. It might rain."
He: "Don't forget, my sister is coming today."
She: "I wish you hadn't invited her. She drives me
crazy."
He: "The trash came early today."
She: "You should have put it out last night."
He: "What a rough day. I'm exhausted."
She: "Don't leave your clothes on the floor, please."
Treating a husband like a child is another form of bossiness
or quarrelsomeness:
"Park over there."
"Drive slowly, now -- this road is dangerous."
"Be careful, sweetheart."
"Don't forget your airplane ticket, darling."
"You'll need to take a sweater, it's cold outside."
Interviews and
event scheduling: kbhaught@godempowered.com
