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Excerpt from The God
Empowered Wife
Chapter
1 excerpt
Does the following sound familiar?
You're efficient, smart, organized, and make sure everything
that needs to get done, gets done. You're physically tired,
yes, but mostly just tired of being the responsible one.
You husband is a decent guy who heps when asked--but you
still have to ask, which means it's stil your responsibility.
Sometimes you joke that having a husband is like having
another child.
Then,
there's the marriage itself. Things look fine on the outside,
but they're not really. In public, your husband is charming
and cheerful. At home, he's distant or grouchy--apparently
more interested in anything else than spending quality time
together. Faith, instead of being something that defines
your marriage, is a private, individual matter . . .
He's
frustrated, too. Somewehere along the way, being married
became more of a burden than a joy. The way you always help
him drives him crazy and makes him feel inadequate. "I
don't need another mother,' he says to himself. You
have the right answer for everything--at least you think
you do--and he's tired of being corrected criticized, and
contradicted in what he says or does. It's easier to bury
himself in television, hobbies, or work than fit into your
world--a world where he's never quite good enough. He may
not have said it out loud, but he's probably thought it:
"What does she need me for a husband, anyway?"
Chapter
2 excerpt
Today,
women leave their husbands as often as men leave their wives,
but at the time, it was more often the latter. Women who
had given up their jobs to devote their lives to their families
were abandoned in record numbers for younger, more career-minded
women. Often, the new wife enjoyed the financial benefits
the ex-wife's sacrifices had made possible-while the ex-wife
struggled to re-enter a job market where outdated office
skills and "caring for family" were unacceptable
applicant entries for previous work experience.
It
was an irony not lost on their daughters, raised as they
were in an era of feminism. These girls were greatly influenced
by the sexual revolution and understood the power of assertiveness,
competitiveness, and manipulation. They were attracted to
young men as much as any other generation, perhaps more
so, given the absence of their fathers. However, as soon
as they had wooed and won their "catch," they
dispensed with flirtatious pretensions and switched back
to their more authoritative personality. It was time to
get down to the business of having a relationship.
Their
brothers, obliged to obey their mothers and respect their
sisters, were often personae non gratae in what had become
a pseudo-matriarchal environment. It wasn't easy to be a
young man in a culture where "That's just like a man"
was definitely not a compliment, and "Do you want to
end up like your father?" was a rhetorical question.
Out of sight, out of mind was the safest place to be, and
keeping a low profile was the best way to avoid confrontation.
When
they grew up and got married, the wives ran the family,
and the husbands tried to stay out of the way. It was, after
all, what they each had been raised to do . . .
Chapter 8 excerpt
Humor is the safest way to comment about a situation we
are uncomfortable addressing directly, and wife dominance
is such a prevalent trait in our culture that jokes and
humorous references about it are not hard to find. Once
I counted seven of them--on a Sunday morning.
Most
were some variation of, "Everyone knows a good husband
is one who has learned to obey his wife," and all were
accompanied by hearty laughter from the men. In fact, it
was the men who usually made the comments. The wives just
smiled and nodded at each other as if to say, "Can
you imagine what a mess they'd make of things without us?"
. . .
Most
of us are quarrelesome--we just don't realize it. As one
woman observed, "When I really listened to what I was
saying, I discovered I 'shut my husband up' one way or another
every time he opened his mouth. I thought I was just helping
him make better decisions, but what I was doing was telling
him he didn't know anything.". . . .
See
if you recognize yourself in these examples:
He:
"Looks like it's going to rain today."
She: "No, I don't think so."
He:
"I like the chunky peanut butter."
She: "It's not as good. Get the creamy kind."
. . .
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